This post is dedicated in memory of my father, Yaacov Zev Yisrael ben Shmuel, and in honor of niece Shani Junger’s upcoming wedding this week to Dvir Antman. Mazal tov!
A few weeks ago, during the lockdown period when there was nothing to do and no place to go, I was at my mom’s house and we decided to watch a DVD from her collection. I pulled out “Moonstruck“, the 1987 romantic comedy about a widowed, 37-year-old, Italian-American woman played by Cher (who won an Oscar for the role) who falls in love with her fiancé’s estranged, hot-tempered younger brother (Nicholas Cage).
This short scene takes place the morning after the two have spent the night together.
This week I returned to work after being placed on furlough (unpaid leave, otherwise known as “chalat“, in Hebrew) for three long months from the time when the Coronavirus pandemic first hit Israel. While I was very happy to be back at work – and was warmly welcomed back by everyone – it was still a very difficult adjustment and transition after being away for so long.
Perhaps it was the absence of friends and coworkers who were let go during the Corona period for economic reasons. Or maybe it was some uncertainty about what lies ahead. Most likely it was a little of both.
Of course one cannot dwell in the past, but such a transition is hard and it is important to recognize that.
People say things like ‘we need to move on’ and ‘we must move forward’ or as Cher bluntly told Nick Cage, “SNAP OUT OF IT!“. But what’s so wrong with a little bit of personal ‘mourning’ during a rough period of transition?
This week’s Torah portion, Chukat (in the Diaspora, the previous portion of Korach is read), contains the famous, yet tragic story of Moshe and Aharon who struck the rock instead of speaking to it, as God commanded them to, in order to bring forth water for the people. As punishment, they were not allowed to enter the promised land and died in the wilderness.
I believe the key to understanding this story is the context in which the Torah tells it. After nearly 40 years in the desert, Miriam dies and is buried at Kadesh. In the very next verse, the people complain about the loss of their water supply that until then had been provided miraculously in the merit of Miriam’s righteousness by The Well of Miriam.
The Yalkut Shimoni provides an interesting interpretation of what was going on. Moshe and Aharon were mourning the death of their sister, the great prophetess Miriam, but the people had no water to drink and interrupted their leader’s familial mourning to complain of thirst.
The Yalkut Shimoni writes: “The Holy One, Blessed Be, said to them (Moshe & Aharon) Leave here, quickly! My children are dying of thirst, and you are sitting and mourning this old woman?!”
That seems kind of harsh (calling Miriam ‘this old woman’), but the point the Yalkut is trying to bring is that the needs of the community (the nation) at large outnumber your personal needs at this moment. So, you two leaders must get up right now and go and speak to the rock to bring forth water for the thirsty Israelites.
In this context I can better understand why Moshe struck the rock (and was punished so harshly). It was not that the people were unworthy (they truly had no water to drink), but it was the nation’s two leaders Moshe and Aharon who were not in the right state of mind at that moment to perform God’s awesome miracle of speaking to the rock and bringing forth water.
Instead, Moshe and Aharon, likely still consumed in their very emotional state of mourning for their sister Miraim, could not step outside of their personal lives and focus on the needs of the nation at large. Instead Moshe called the people ‘rebels’, asking if he should bring forth water from the rock (in a mocking tone, I believe) and then, instead of speaking, he struck the rock (twice!), in frustration and the water subsequently came out (probably because God wanted to save face for Moshe in front of the people, but that’s NOT what God wanted to happen.)
Moshe and Aharon were then punished for NOT sanctifying God’s name in front of Israel (which would have happened if they had spoken to the rock) and because of their actions they were sentenced to die before reaching the Promised Land.
My personal experiences this week helped me better identify where Moshe and Aharon were coming from. It is very understandable that after being at home for three months one cannot just “dive right back in” to work, as it were. I still needed to get past whatever feelings I was having (fear, uncertainty, and more). Perhaps I was too emotionally involved – although it is understandable and natural. I did not (or maybe could not) fully step back from the situation (as Moshe and Aharon should have but didn’t) and access the situation – perhaps in time I can and will but not immediately.
What were the consequences for not being able to take a step back and see the “big picture” and put the needs of the nation before whatever personal (and legitimate!) feelings Moshe & Aharon were experiencing? Well, it meant the end of the line for the two of them and that it was time for Moshe’s faithful student Yehoshua to take over for him and lead the Israelites to the Promised Land.
Moshe and Aharon, lost a loved one. They were in mourning. They were distraught. Yet, they were still the nation’s leaders and if they could not separate their own personal feelings at the time from the good of the people when they needed to (and they ‘took it out’ on the innocent Israelites by calling them ‘rebels’ and mocking them), well, that was the end of their leadership tenure.
The lesson seems to be learned later in the Torah portion, when Aharon dies and the entire nation mourns him for a full 30 days and only then moves on. With Miriam, according to the sources I read, the people on the whole moved on immediately from her loss (she was old after all, 126 or 127) and the lack of water was much more pressing to them.
‘Moving on’ is the most difficult part. Mourners cannot (or should not) be judged on their emotional actions during their grieving period, but at the same time, in spite of the grief and the pain, we cannot allow ourselves to cross certain lines.
Unfortunately, for Moshe and Aharon, two strikes (of the rock) and you’re out!
It may be hard for me, and others, to do so, but we must get out of our funk and not dwell on the past. Transition is hard, everyone agrees, but there comes a time where you must simply “Snap out of it”!
Shabbat Shalom!
yonatansredni 